It’s too much to handle.

I feel like I fucked up…maybe not my whole life but definitely a huge part of it…I don’t wanna fuck up anyone else’s

Some thoughts that I wrote down within the past couple months don’t know if everything makes sense because I wrote it all on my iPhone and the auto correct might have fucked it up…

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I’m at that point where the “high” of a new place new environment new work place new responsibility new money is starting to fade and the realization of what the situation actually is, is slowly hitting me like the end of a drunken night and going home to an empty house….there’s goods and bad to everything but I/we tend to just focus on the good things because it’s more easier to swallow…then reality hits…I miss my sis…

Damn she knows I know she does I think that she likes it and she library’s fact that we are

But my only problem is myselfishness and not wanting to to be with her….with her fer realwhy did I fucking do that shit whythe fuckwould I do that shit why the fuck would I do that suit fuck!!!! Fer real why the fuck did I do that shit I can’t speak on anything I can speak on suit my word ain’t shit I’m not shot because now I’m fucking dead mother fucker damn i really ain’t suit I really ain’t shut I real taint shit I have become everything I hated everything that I was against damn fuck!! goodjob reyesway to go way to disappoint everyone you everfuckin knew everyone….and to her to her why the fuck would you do that to her she ain’t do shit to you ever she only help in so many fucking different ways fuck everything inever wanted to be I became and fuck the damage that I have done the people I disappointed and that. Exactly what I am I fucking dissappointment in mine hers parents and fucking gods eyes in ficking gods eyes everythingthat I was fucking against I became I became…..

You really think it’s because of the money fuck you you don’t know me and the shit I’m dealing with for the rest of my life I’m going to deal with my murderer as shut thinking it is the same as doing it and I fucking wanted that shut I wanted to kill I wanted to Killy at shy I ain’t no good for no one the pain that I feel physically ain’t shit to the pain I feel emotionally I said it before and now I don’t believe shot that no one says especially mine….why even try why the fuckeven try to get with a female because all I’m going to do is fucking hurt the person I love so might as well not love and spare another persons feelings because of tue shit I do did or going to do….I wish I could have a fucking dog and the dog that I have fucking is going away and the dog I always fuckingwanted I abandoned all this money that I’m so called making air for fucking me why should I keep to make someone else happy on my expense shouldnt even be shit for me I hope angel didn’t buy shit because I wanna get her that laptop investing on others is priceless but the reason behind that me being a fuxking fake, murderer hypocrite and the fucking stupider mother fucker that I known at least the motherfuckersthat ain’t doing shut with their life is real look at my shit

Fake than a mother fucka

Dammit Reyes how selfish can you be and how fucking stupid can you be fix it how when you do t want to fix shit how when you dispise the mother fucker I can’t make that shut work and look what you fucking did your a bitch for doing that for doing what your doing you submission as bitch standupbut your a fucking coward you always been even though you fronted like you weren’t why do you think Meryl left……

Dammit! Better to not have loved then to love and get fucked

Wheneverything seems fine something is going to come and fuck me it always has

I’m seeing how everything in my life effects me and making me the coward that j am today I ain’t shit and shuts been happening to me through out my life….fuck! And the worst thing is I’m going to die and have to deal with god fuck he knows everything…. There no hiding suit

I can fool everyone sometimes but I can fool everybody all the time

The real does come Keith no matter what the fuck happens

So what can I do….live so that the people around me can be happy when I’m not I want the people around me to be happy all the time because this feelingthat I’m feeling this shut feeling I don’t want Kaylene to think that or go through that when that’s not or everwill be in my control fuck and when I think I’m ready to become what I need to become it’s not worth

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know why I’m here I feel like im so done being who everyone thought I was putting up an act a front if Jesus love me for me then why can’t you? If he love me for me then why change too? If Jesus love me for me then why can’t they?

 when i AM scared of success…and when i am scared of all the responsibility that comes with the title…i dont want to fuck it up but i have before and i know that it aint nothing because the worst that they can do is label me as a fuck up but thats the thing…i think my focus on life has been about not fucking up and looked at as the mother fucka that doesnt fuck up but because of that i have stopped myself from doing anything that involves risk…taking responsiblity going the extra mile…but damn it thats how i am! i cant change that and i know that i can never change that…what do i do?i wanna succeed but i dont want the lime light…i want to make someone else great…im fucking submissive…because of everything that has happen to me in my past…